Part Two: The Hardest Goodbye

Talk about hard goodbyes. We drove to the hospital the night before her operation. It was unsettling as we were saying goodbye but we knew we would see her again. It had to be short, which made it even harder, we had to go in one at a time. As we took the elevator down after saying our 'goodbyes' I couldn't help but cry. We started to walk out and were met by our Pastor and another Pastor from India (who is with us right now! Exactly 2 years later) I met him for the first time crying my eyes out! They comforted us separately and I can't remember what they said exactly but it was what I needed to hear! 

On the journey home we posted on Facebook to pray for Naomi, and this I remember so clearly. It was extraordinary and I don't think our Facebook friends realise! 

As we drove home We were checking our Facebook and our ENTIRE NEWS FEED was FILLED with posts about Naomi and praying for her and us. I remember this so clearly as I was reading them out in the car and we all were just amazed and crying a crazy amount! Name after name, comment after comment it built us up and encouraged us more! People who we didn't know would comment on friends post about how they were praying. 

To all who are reading this and posted about Naomi that night thank you. You may never have realised how much it meant to us but it did. What everyone wrote was beautiful and uplifting and made our family feel SO loved! I remember dad saying he couldn't drive as his eyes were filled with water and couldn't see anything! The whole car was a complete CRY FEST! 

Words cannot describe what it was like reading everything from ALL over the world (literally) about Naomi and us. 

As I went to bed that night I felt lonely as I normally share a room with Nay and I couldn't stop thinking about her in a hospital and me in our room. It didn't seem right. 

I awoke that morning to our dear friend and her daughter at the door with breakfast for Nathanel and I. Mum and dad were at the hospital and Verity had to work. Those small acts of kindness really speak loudly. As it was just two of us we didn't really know what to do and it was nice to see our friend with Starbucks coffee and a muffin! 

 I took the day off school as I probably wouldn't have concentrated at all and, at times like these you want to be surrounded by family. 

To be honest I can't remember what I did that day as I didn't know what to do. I mean what ARE you supposed to do when your sister is in a 12 hour operation? Well me and Bud (brother) did what we knew. We prayed we worshipped we spent time with God and waited. A lot of calls to mum and dad for any update and there wasn't. 

The strangest and hardest thing about the day was knowing that while you are at home, there is serious surgery being done not too far away for your sister. And that was hard, I couldn't help but think what part of the surgery they were up to or what they were doing at that exact time.

And it made me think, everyday we enter, somewhere someone is in the same position as me. Waiting, waiting for news about a dear person, who may be in surgery. It happens everyday, so much happens that we don't think about.

Anyway as time rushed by without our notice, Verity got home and we did what we knew to do. At 5 we got a call from Mum who said that as her and dad were pacing corridors waiting they just had to ask a nurse to see if all was ok. I mean 9 hours later and no news? She had to know something, so the nurse went away and came back telling her that Dr M said " tell her not to worry! I told her if she doesn't see me then that means all is well. She does not  have to worry everything is fine" those simple disjointed words were such relief! SHE WAS FINE! Not done, but fine. And for that time, that was enough. 

That night at 8:04pm we got the call. "Naomi has come out of the operation all is well, the doctor saved all of her nerves, she is fine" umm so that equals the BEST NEWS EVER!! 

We were able to see her that night two hours after the operation so our pastor came over who would then drive us to the hospital at 10, which turned into 11pm. 

Anyway it was just us 3 at home and we were told to ring everyone and let them know. That was a joyful experience with the amount of tears and joy over the phone, it was ecstatic and all were so pleased to hear. 

As there was no food in our house we ordered Dominos and ate it with our pastor. 

We drove to the hospital and the next hour was the hardest hour of my life.

It was strange, and really there are no words but I will try my best. She was in a different place and we weren't allowed to see her straight away. We were greeted by our parents who told us all they knew, and then they told us that we will be going in one at a time to see her. We would need to wash our hands and wear a throwaway apron as the place we were going was for serious patients, and there were only three people in that ward, they didn't want disease or bacteria to spread. 

So Verity went in. Nathanael went in. Then I went in.

If anyone knows me they know that I cry, a lot. Dad told us to try not to cry in front of her but be supportive and encouraging. As I waited to see her I did not know what to expect.

So I walked up the corridor, my heart in my throat. I washed my hands, put on the apron and then Dad opened the door. I saw her. Lying there. Not being able to move. I glanced around. Saw what she was wired up to. And turned away and burst into tears. Dad tried to push me in, but I needed a minute. I normally can just pull it altogether, but I couldn't this time. 

All I saw was a half shaven head, a beautiful, young girl listening to her siblings and then around her this white, sterile, white room. Emphasis on the white as it was fully clean and hospital like. The kind you see in movies, that they put on, but no. She was hooked up to everything imaginable, the beeping sound and everything. 

As I turned and sobbed, you can understand the need for a 15 year old girl to 'take a minute'. I sucked it up as I knew I had to and 'thought' I would cry no more. I took a deep breath and entered. Because of the 12 hour operation she couldn't turn her head to the right  I held her hand tightly rambling on to her about things I can't remember. The nurses surprisingly let all 3 of her siblings to surround her and talk. We laughed, encouraged her, made jokes, what we always do. But she was tired and at this point it was about 12pm so we had to be quick. The nurse came round and checked her so often an thats when it hit me, that I am standing around a hospital patient who is my sister. I NEVER thought I would be in this position BUT I had (and have) Grace for every situation life throws our way.

So I was fine, my cry turned into small whimpers as I tried to hold in my tears. But the moment that stopped me and seriously flipped everything around was when we had to go.

As I type this I am tearing up just remembering this unforgettable moment. We had to go, I was holding her hand. I gave her a gentle, light hug and was ready to go when she clutched my hand so tightly whispering

"Please don't leave"

Don't leave. I turned to look at her and broke down into a puddle of tears. It hit me that she would have to stay in this sterile, white, beeping room all night, alone. It pained me to leave, I love her, she is my sister, my best friend, I would have done anything to take her place. 

After a prolonged goodbye we left. It was the hardest goodbye. I knew I was going home to our room and she would not be there.

She didn't remember anything from that night. It is always good to remember it as it was a poignant moment that won't be forgotten. 

The Eighth of September 2011.