He will NEVER leave me, nor forsake me

This deserves a whole new post as it was such a beautiful thing. Jesus came and visited me!!...”WHAT!??” I hear you say, I say yes! Yes Indeed! 

I remember lying there, thinking over everything that just happened, feeling cold, uncomfortable, soar and alone. Then all of a sudden this huge perfectly white light is shining from my left and as clear as a bell I hear Him say ‘Hey, I’m still here, I haven’t gone anywhere, I am still with you.’ I remember having the biggest smile on my face. It was perfect. He is perfect. It was exactly what I needed to hear and it silenced all the worry and doubt and reminded me who was caring for me. 

‘I am cared for by the one who MADE the universe’

(I am not aware of anyone else that has accomplished that, someone like that is worthy of ALL praise and ALL glory!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Q5zxsFfcUs - A song to praise Him with!

The next morning after sleeping so well I awoke to the final pre-op tests being done. It was early and my parents were there. It was the strangest thing. I got taken to the blacked out 14th floor that did not appear on the elevator buttons but instead to get there you had to call the lift operator to take you there. The room I was wheeled in looked sterile, the air was different, everything was clean and white. There were people in the room fiddling around with various things. An anesthetist explained a few things to me and held up an oxygen mask. He told me to take long deep breaths and count to 30.

One

Two

Three

Fou....

Getting Closer

After a few days of just waiting to hear for what to do next, visitors coming in and sitting in a hospital bed. I had an angio embolism. This is where they fill the blood vessels that where attached to the tumour with glue. I was asleep for this part, and woke up in a recovery room where I had to stay flat for 6 hours. (not exactly fun) It was the day before the operation so they were trying to find a bed for me in CCU (Critical Care Unit) to prep me for the operation. It took from 3pm - 8pm to get bed so I had to wait in the recovery room with my parents and the nurse, who we got to know very well. My parents had to feed me dinner as my arms where starting to get taken over by needles and very soar to bend. I was eating normally again by this point, 3 meals a day and I was hungry! 

It was all peaceful and I was relaxed and calm, then the bed was ready and they wheeled me upstairs. My parents could only come so far for the time being. I started to get a little nervous and anxious realising that it was getting closer and closer to the ‘big day’. I was in a little pain from the procedure as they had to put pressure on it every time they went over a bump on the floor (and there were a lot!), this combined with anxiety and helplessness meant that I was not in a good state. All at once 5 people started moving me from one bed to another, plugging me into machines, putting even more needles into me, it all happened too suddenly and I didn’t like the change. I got a little teary eyed and eventually they let my parents in and this time my siblings where with them to see me before I had the operation. I didn’t want to be left alone in yet another new place, it was cold, there were machines beeping, I was uncomfortable and just wanted to be home. It was a weird feeling, I wasn’t saying goodbye but we all knew that what was happening in a few hours was pretty serious. 

My Pastor was able to visit me past the normal visiting hours as he comes under the category of ‘Spiritual Leader’ and they are allowed in a hospital 24/7. He and another Pastor from India (who I met for the first time in a hospital bed, in CCU, which again I did find a little amusing) encouraged me from Psalm 34 to ‘Bless the Lord at ALL times.’ With just a short visit they left. It was just me. The beeping. A couple of nurses briskly walking around and critical patients to my left and right. As you can imagine I couldn’t get to sleep, but I so desperately wanted to. 

This is when it happened...

Visiting Hours: 2pm-8pm

I loved having visitors. It can get pretty boring in hospital when your on your own in the middle of the day. My brother and family friend AC surprised me one day when I was super bored and we went down to the ground floor where there was a Costa Coffee. We had the biggest hot chocolate I have ever seen. Next thing you know DR.M spots me at Costa and comes over to give me a hug. (I later find out from him that I was his favourite patient!) 

Wednesday 31.08.11

If anyone has swagger its DR.M. He was and is the best doctor I could have had. He is one of the top surgeons for Neurology and he knows his work. I remember when he first walked into the room, he had an air about him and an entourage that followed wherever he went. He wore a pin stripped suit with an orange cravat and lime green socks. He was very charming. 

The early morning of the 31st August he came swooping in and boldly stated ‘I have been looking at the scans all night with my colleague, we have found something which means we need to further investigate before we do anything.’ We and others all prayed that God would give wisdom to my doctors and this was so the work of God making sure that it was done correctly. The decisions were made by him then and there that after he left, the porter and anaesthetists all came up ready to take me down and prep me but the news had not got to them that it was postponed. DR.M had the final say on everything and his judgements in my opinion were always good ones. I was blessed with such a great doctor. 

I had extensive eye tests, they could even see the tumour behind the back of my right eye, it is a training hospital so I had 3 trainee eye doctors all ask to see it. I couldn’t help but find it amusing and tried to keep still and not laugh at them all staring in amazement. 

I had an angiogram which is when they shoot dye in my vein that ran all the way to my head and found out that the tumour was being fed by my blood supply. It was a very strange and uncomfortable experience but the peace of God was so upon me that the nurses were amazed at my calmness and my parents would only ever answer that it was my faith and trust in God. In doing this it meant that if they went ahead with the original plan they would have found this out too late and I would have lost a lot of blood and that would have lead to all sorts of complications. In other words. I was kept. 

I have mentioned that I had a great doctor and I will mention how wonderful some of my nurses were. But I know who the best doctor/nurse was, I knew who really cared about me and that was Jesus. My motto for my time in hospital was ‘I am cared for by the one who made the universe’ You can’t get any bigger, more powerful than that! So I was in safe hands. Whenever the doctors would say all these horrible percentages of survival, or the chances of some nasty things happening. I was never phased as I KNEW that God was bigger than all of it and that He had me in the palm of His hands. 

This brought me back and reminded me how important it was that I learnt how much He cared, loved and saw me. How could I not love Him back.